Everyone knows Gary Paulsen, the author of young adult novels like Hatchet to be a skilled writer.
But the best story is the one of his own life.
A few juicy tidbits:
Paulsen described several traumatic occurrences that transpired during the three years that are chronicled by the book. For example, one day while his mother was napping, Gary sneaked outside to play. There a vagrant snatched him and apparently attempted to molest him, but his mother suddenly appeared on the scene and beat the man to death.
All of these Asian moms who call themselves “Tiger Moms” just because they withhold rice from their kids unless they get As have NOTHING on this woman.
Paulsen reported his mother’s many adulterous affairs in Eastern Sun, suggesting that the man he called “father” was not really his biologic father. He also discussed his mother’s alcoholism. He told how she would bring him to a bar and had him sing for his supper, even though she had an income from her work in an ammunitions factory, and he felt there was no need for this.
This tiger mom is a crazy whore.
When World War II ended, Gary’s father sent for him and his mother to come join him in the Philippines, where he was stationed. A great part of the book is dedicated to the voyage by naval vessel to the Philippines. During the trip, Gary witnessed a plane crash. He, his mother, and the people who were also being transported on this ship, looked on as many of the airplane’s passengers were killed or maimed by the sharks who would follow the ship consuming waste. His mother, the only woman aboard, helped the corpsman care for the surviving victims.
This tiger mom is an angel.
After arriving in Hawaii, according to Paulsen, her mother began an affair with the ship’s corpsman.
A slutty angel.
Gary and his mother arrived in Manila where he met his father for the first time. He quickly realized that he would not have a close relationship with the man whom he felt he did not resemble nor relate to, who never referred to him as anything except “the boy” and who, like Gary’s mother, was an alcoholic. Gary’s family had two servants while they lived on the Army base in Manila, a man named Rom, and a woman named Maria. Gary shared a room with Maria and before long, the woman, who had endured multiple rapes at the hands of the formally occupying Japanese, began to molest Gary. He claimed in the book that this happened quite often, nearly every night, until he left Manila.
His mom protected him from a molestor only for him to get molested…by a woman?!
While living in Manila, Gary’s parents continued to drink heavily. His mother also continued to have affairs. Gary walked in on his mother frequently to find her in sexual encounters with men other than the man he referred to as “father”. Also, while Gary was in the Philippines he had a close brush with death when he nearly went over a dam while wading.
Alcoholics? Check. More whoring around? Check.
Nearly drowning? Check.
In that book, Paulsen discussed the ways in which he survived between the ages of twelve and fourteen back in Minnesota. He barely mentioned his parents except to say that they were too busy being drunk to stock the refrigerator.
Fucking hell, did these people ever lay off the booze?
He worked several jobs during this time, including setting pins at the bowling alley, delivering newspapers and working as a farm hand. He bought his own school supplies and a rifle, which he used to hunt for sustenance. Eventually, he gave up the rifle and manufactured his own bow and arrows which he used to hunt deer.
Ted Nugent WAYYY before Ted Nugent or puberty.
In 1983, Paulsen entered the 1,150-mile (1,850 km) Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, and placed 41st out of 54 finishers, with an official time of 17 days, 12 hours, 38 minutes, and 38 seconds. In 1990, suffering from heart disease, Paulsen made the decision to give up dog sledding, which he described as the most difficult decision he has ever made. Paulsen would spend more than a decade sailing the Pacific before getting back into dog sledding in 2003. According to his keynote speech on October 13, 2007, at the Sinclair Lewis writing conference in Sauk Centre, Minnesota, he still intended to compete in the Iditarod. He is listed in the “Withdrawn/Scratched” section of the 1985 and 2006 Iditarod. Paulsen is an outdoorsman (a hunter and trapper), who maintains a 40-acre (160,000 m2) spread north of Willow, Alaska, where he breeds and trains sled dogs for the Iditarod.
Well, it’s clear he chose a cozy life in Beverly Hills.
This makes that asshole who fake-wrote A Million Little Pieces look like even more of a pussy.
The only reason why Oprah’s show ended is because she never had Gary Paulsen on.
